My homage and parody for His Enlightenedness, Ultra Spiritual JP Sears.
Recent earthquakes in Idaho have proven that the Earth has a spirit and it’s really upset. Science has proven the Earth has a spirit it is called Gaia, and it is ultra-spiritual. Like all spiritual beings it has to be realigned from time to time.
Here some facts that prove my hypotheses, or is it a theory, or my philosophy? Anyway are here are some facts Idaho people:
Idaho is the 43rd state and it became a state in 1890. This weekend they have had 80 earthquakes in 3 days, you do the math I don’t think that is a coincidence.
Because earthquakes don’t happen on other planets then logic dictates the earthquakes must be happening on our planet because humans are here.
Why are there so many earthquakes in Idaho? Because Idaho grows potatoes and potatoes have carbs. Carbs are bad for you and bad for the earth. Also Idaho has cattle and cows. This non-vegan lifestyle is why the Earth is rejecting Idaho.
Maybe the Earth has diabetes. Instead of drilling things out of the Earth we need to pump insulin into the Earth to even out the Earths’ keystones.
Even though recent earthquakes in Idaho are caused because of potato farming, other states have violated Gaia by fracking. Fracking is only okay if it is consensual. I think Gaia said no, and no means no, not yes.
The best earthquakes are probably in California and that’s because California is in need of spiritual healing unlike Idaho who just needs to go on a diet and live superficial lives.
Even though we are destroying the Earth we are also trying to get off the Earth and go to other planets. This is sending Gaia mixed messages and that’s why she’s reacting so poorly. The Earth is actually co-depend it hurts her feelings when we try to leave.
So to sum up.
Idaho stop fracking and eating carbs. If you do that you’ll have less earthquakes.
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